Room For An Extra
by Gone Rampant
Summary: Casey Grayson is a resident of Los Angeles armed with nought but a snarky voice in his head who winds up getting involved... for better or for worse... in the mad adventures of Sam and Cat (T for slapstick and implied swearing).


_**Room for an Extra, Chapter 1: Pilot**_

**OK, yeah, this is one of those fanfics. You know, where an author drops a Marty Stu or a Mary Sue in a Fanfic and goes through the season of a show or a game, using it as material since they're too lazy to make their own setting or adventure, and too much of an asshole to admit it and try to be original? Well… yeah, I'm that lazy asshole. Well, someone has to do it. **

**So in short, Sam and Cat Season 1 with an OC inserted (I insist that the only thing that could possibly be worse is a Self-Insert fic). Few things to kink out, though:**

**I don't live in America and I don't have any channels the show is running on (Currently I have seen up to episode 5), meaning I'm gonna be a few days behind as the website I use to watch the show gets the videos from the other sites that have malware (Thank you Adblock!).**

**I haven't written in a few months, and those were lame lemons I'm slightly ashamed of. This will probably suck, as it just consists of me throwing out the laugh track and adding someone with no fourth wall who cracks lame jokes.**

**Anything else? Well, aside from you giving me a link to a site that'll get the episodes as they air quickly so I can keep up, I don't know, but I'll throw it in an author's note if I have to and otherwise I'll avoid making these things since I tend to add "If you liked it, drop your opinion below!" There's other ways to like something.**

**So without further ado, the Disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sam and Cat, Nick/Dan does. If anyone from Sam and Cat who stars in it reads this and is offended, I'm sorry. If you don't like it, say the word and I'll torch it and run back to TGWTG. Where the lame lemons mentioned earlier live. **

**PS, since I can't write much other than sarcasm, Italics without speech marks generally means the narrator's getting their inner monologue on.**

_**00000**_

Picture this: A semi-bustling street with the occasional car passing by- two young children looking for something, a motorcycle rides by with a blonde who looks vaguely familiar, and finally, Casey Grayson, who looks like he auditioned for the Eleventh Doctor, went in the full clothing and didn't get it, goes out on a stroll and is then mugged. Well, at least the mugging did just happen. In truth there was a fancy dress party and they just stayed up too late.

The girl on the bike takes her helmet off- Casey's head pokes up for a minute, as if he heard full applause from a crowd somewhere. Shrugging, he carries on, now talking to himself.

"Boy, it's a great day here. And best of all, nothing weird is… going… down…"

He stops as a pink bicycle containing a redhead passes him by, giggling.

"… Was the punch spiked? Had to be."

Muttering to himself, he goes back into this little piece of his head where he's not disturbed by-

"_I'M STOPPING MY VEHICLE." _

_GODDAMNIT THE NEXT PERSON I SEE WHO BREAKS ME OUT OF MY THOUGHT PROCESS FORWARD SLASH NARRATION WILL BE CUT BY MY FINGERNAIL! I HAD A KNIFE BUT I WAS JUST MUGGED, OK?!_

Mid-rant, the girl in the pink bike figures out that a cat is missing.

"_SHUT UP! MY NAME IS CAT!"_

… _Oh lord, I just needed that blaring through my head at a volume just below earthquakes._

Cat then proceeded to jump into a garbage can, then defy several laws of physics and turn herself around completely, with the other cat.

The blonde from the motorcycle looked over at the trashcan as Casey walked over. "What's that red-headed chick doing in a trash-can?"

"Um… dumpster diving?" Casey replied with a goofy grin.

The blonde shrugged. Casey looked at her for a minute, before realisation dawned on his face.

"Oh my God- you're _iCarly_!"

The blonde looked at him flatly. "What."

"It's painfully obvious- you've undergone plastic surgery to look like Sam- who has no fans due to her abusing the Double Standard more than Chris Brown- because the fangirls kept following you!"

"… Don't you mean fan_boys_?"

"Nah, Sam's fanbase has the largest portion of the fandom that're into girls- either that, or they must really like seeing a guy in pain…"

_I'm sure she'll take it well- Oh God that's a good Death Glare- is that her fist?_

*Twack*

_OH GOD THAT WAS HER FIST. And… now she's back to her burrito. Yeah, she _has to _be Sam._

"Why's there a battery in my burrito?" Sam notes.

While this was going on, a garbage truck rolled up to the dumpster the Cat person was in… and still _was _in.

"HEY! Someone's in there!" The blonde yelled as the obvious thing happened and the dumpster was picked up and its contents unloaded into the truck… young girl included.

Casey, now up, and the girl looked at each other. As if bonded by mental abilities of some sort, they both started sprinting after the truck, which had begun moving.

The blonde reached it first, pulling herself up onto the ladder and starting to climb as it picked up speed. Casey hurled himself at the truck, grabbing one of the rungs, but his feet were still on the ground, desperately running to keep up with the truck.

"Dude, stop the truck! It ate a girl!" The blonde screamed, the unlikely duo reaching the top as she stopped the screaming. Following some stumbling along the top of the truck, they finally reached an open segment of the top. The blonde leaped straight inside, but as Casey was about to, the truck hit a pothole, sending him tumbling.

Now on his stomach, Casey poked his head over the edge to see Sam rescue the girl… who started laughing.

_If my hands weren't focused on hanging on to the edge of the truck, I'd be facepalming pretty hard right now._

_Ah well, I can still head-desk!_

_Ow. Head-desking on metal actually kinds hurts._

"Oh my God, that was so much FUN!" Cat screeched.

"Not so fun for this guy," Sam retorted, holding up a dead mouse.

"Hey, you're Sam from iCarly!"

"Yeah, well let's get outta here-" the two were sent to the ground by the truck taking a sharp turn, accompanied by both the garbage truck starting its job of grinding up garbage, and of Casey screaming in terror as he plummeted into the truck, but that part was unnoticed.

"_What's that noise?!"_ Cat screeched.

"I think that's the sound of two girls who're about to be squashed by a garbage truck!" Sam screamed back.

"Heh… wait, you don't mean us, right?"

Casey poked his head out of a pile of magazines at this moment, still winded. Cat started screaming at that.

"ZOMBIE!" Cat picked up a stick that was lying beside her and started slamming it into Casey's head.

"OW! OW! STOP! I'm not a zombie!" Casey didn't help his case by rising out of the trash (With most of it still attached to his body), pale as death. This was for nought, however, as the truck seemed to stumble over something again, causing the trio to fall over.

"Ow…" Casey rolled around in pain, clutching his head.

"We gotta get out of here!" Sam yelled at Cat.

"I can't! I'm gonna faint!"

"You're not gonna faint-"

"I am! Whenever I get really scared I…" And Cat fainted into Sam's arms. Casey picked himself up slowly.

"Agh! Fine, I'll save your life," Sam said to no-one in particular.

"But you're buying me a new burrito!" Sam turned to see a ladder, then to Casey.

"Grab her legs and help me pull her out!"

Casey nodded, shaking some loose garbage off his face. He grabbed Cat by the bottom of her legs, and then moved to the bottom of the ladder. Sam plopped Cat into Casey's arms before moving up the ladder, gesturing from the top. Slowly, Casey sent Cat up the ladder, trying not to drop her before Sam grabbed her body and pulled it up, Casey soon following.

"First," he said, "Sorry about the "Mistaking you for somebody else," thing."

Brief nod.

"Second, how're we gonna get off this truck?" Casey asked as they pulled up at a hotel.

Sam looked over at him, a small smirk playing at her lips as she then looked over the edge of the now-still truck.

"Wait… I have issues with heights-" Casey was cut off as Sam sent him tumbling off the truck back first. He landed hard, the breath coming out of his stomach with a whoosh. Sam looked over the edge.

"You OK?" She yelled. Casey groaned in response.

"Good enough," she muttered before gently dropping Cat over the edge onto him.

"OH DEAR GOD THAT'S A BODY- OH MY EVERYTHING!"

Sam lowered herself off the truck gently, looking at the now-two unconscious people before her. Shaking her head, she went off to find something to wake them up.

_**00000**_

Casey's eyes fluttered open to the sound of someone giggling. He closed them again, really hoping he hadn't woken up in that dream of his with… well, that dream was _never _being brought up again. As far as he knew, that was a court-mandated order.

He felt concrete under his back and legs as he got up, seeing some random guy run up to Sam and take a… blow-gun… thingy… with a nozzle on the end…

Cat was to Casey's left. "Where are we?"

"I don't know, some hotel." It was a so-so looking entry to a hotel, at any rate. Cat sniffed the air.

"Ugh, what's that smell?" Casey looked over.

"That… would be us, from our trip in the garbage" he replied, sniffing himself just to make sure- _Yeah, I make the Garbage Pail Kids look like the Smurfs. I'm not how I drew that up, but God that was an ugly sight in my mind._

"I gotta find somewhere to hose myself off," Sam added.

"No, wait! Come and take a bath at my Nona's place." Cat rushed up to Sam and grabbed her arm, Casey standing awkwardly in the background.

"What's a… Nona?" He asked, trying to get himself back in the conversation, but feeling like the words were already said and he was just sitting there and ruining something good.

"My grandmother, I live with her."

Sam tried to brush the offer away (Alongside some garbage), but Cat had a way of insisting with puppy dog eyes, and sticking her lip out… Casey had about as much of a chance as Frosty the Snowman in an exploding volcano.

"So… how're we gonna get there?" Sam drags Casey out of his thought-process. "Bike's not big enough for three people, and even then I don't wanna get junk all over it…"

She trailed off as she saw a limo on the opposite end of the street, before turning back to Sam and Casey with that same evil smirk as she had on the top of the truck.

"Follow me, and do what I do," were her only instructions before her entire body language changed to "Snooty Brat."

Cat, being, well, kind of an idiot, immediately followed suit in the body language. Casey, right behind her, peeled off a banana from his jacket before moving forward.

"Hey buddy! Where you been?!" Sam called out as the unlikely trio reached the limo driver, with a tie that was certainly _not _regulation.

"I… believe you have the wrong limo. I am here for… Dr. Williams, to take him to the airport so he can fly back to England." He replied.

"Well, ah…" Sam looked back at Cat and Casey, quickly changing her accent, "We're Dr. William's daughter's…'s."

"My name's Ophelia!" Cat added.

"And… who's the boy?" The driver asked.

Casey's eyes flew wide open. "I'm… um… I'm their call boy," he improvises in a valley girl accent, but for boys. _Wait, call boy? Did I just call myself a-_

"Like on stage?" Cat asked. _Take the idea and run!_ Casey shrugged.

"Sure, let's go with that," he said drily, taking in Sam and the driver's horrified expressions and letting a little smile dance across his lips. The driver stared blankly at the duo… and their "Call boy."

"Eh?"

"You're supposed to take us to the airport to meet our daddy!" Sam barked, steering the insane plan back on track.

"Look, no-one mentioned anything to me about taking two girls and their male-"

Sam and Cat drew back in shock, ramming into Casey's stomach.

"Oh no, please don't strike us!"

"We're just girls! And a stagehand!"

"Can't anyone see this man?! Please, help!"

Sam and Cat continued like this for a few more seconds before they plus their… cargo… were quickly rushed into the back of the limo, which was soon after going just a little… overtly… fast for the speed limit.

_**00000**_

Nona's house was… surprisingly spacious for LA. After the limo driver had been forced to drop them off there before this Doctor arrived and the nice man wouldn't be fired, Cat had led them into the apartment she shared with her grandmother- and more importantly, the showers.

Casey realised one thing when Sam was forced to don, in her own words, a dressing gown that resembled a "Vomiting rainbow." After he was left in the bathroom, Casey dived in, scrubbing his clothes with a ferocity that would impress the hunter-gatherers that ruled the earth after the dinosaurs… if they weren't frozen because they hadn't ever heard of central frigging heating.

And of course, Sam had used most of the towels. Casey looked around, only seeing soft stuffed animals that adorned the wall above the bathtub.

_Desperate times, desperate measures,_ he thought to himself as he rubbed a purple giraffe through his hair (Incidentally making him resemble a protagonist in an anime), before sealing the windows and door and piling the heat on in the shower, driving the general heat up. Nodding at his work, Casey left the bathroom, closing it tightly.

Now dry(ish), Casey squelched his way out of the bathroom, walking into some short kid who appeared to be…

_Is he pimping hair? I…_

_I have no words._

Cat was on the couch, groaning as she… sniffed hair that supposedly belonged to Justin Bieber.

_I, I… No. Just No._

Casey stood there for a while, mesmerized by the sheer WTFery in front of him as he struggled to drop an F-Bomb without actually swearing.

"Hey, quit sniffing the Beebs," drags him out as Sam stands over Cat, who appeared to be drooling.

"I can't help it- he smells so talented!"

At this point Casey's head practically exploded from the insanity.

_But… but… WHY?!_

Casey squelched forward slightly, waving to the duo and standing by the counter of the kitchen.

_You know, it probably wasn't such a good time to keep myself in the bathroom for so long- I feel like a heat stroke's coming on._

Which was when the door burst open, revealing an old woman trapped in a sack which was in a shopping cart being driven through by two children who were screaming.

… _I… I need to lie down._

"Nona!" Cat yelled as the children ran away.

"Nice sack," Sam deadpanned.

After Nona was… removed from the cart and then the sack, Casey returned to his semi-sleep state that seemed driven by a godly force to keep waking him up whenever someone began screaming. In this case, Nona wanted to move to some old folk's home called Elderly Acres that was a few blocks away. Which drove Cat nearly to the point of tears.

_Oh God, if this is bad for her, I hope those animals dry up in that semi-sweatshop I put them in before I left… Just how incompetent is she?_

"But what if I fall into the toilet and get stuck again?" Cat asked Nona.

_I both wanna see that and wanna cry for the human race. Can't decide which._

"If that happens, text me a picture." Sam, clearly, went for the former over the latter, which also alerted Nona to Sam and Casey.

"Why are these two people here?" Nona asked Cat.

"They're visiting. Is it OK if they stay here tonight?"

"Um… sure. I assume you don't have a prison record?"

"Yeah, you assume that," Sam said drily. Casey just shrugged.

"Don't ask," he replied simply.

Beat.

Cat, at this point, chose to merrily skip out of the room- _oh crap oh crap oh crap_- and Casey looked over at Nona.

"I… kinda need new clothes. You mind if I head out for a few hours-"

"OH MY GOD! MR STUFFINGS! WHAT DID THOSE MONSTERS DO TO YOUR FUR?!"

Casey paused for a second. Sam and Nona looked at him.

"Um… it was the bogeyman?" He says weekly.

Beat.

"I'm just gonna… walk out this door, and… well I'll come back in a bit, and…"

Beat.

Casey walked out of the door, Cat's wails of despair following him out.

_**00000**_

Casey tumbled into the living room the next day, dressed in a black shirt with white sleeves, a zip-on jacket with the same colours and bright white jeans. In his defence, thrift shops were hard to find stuff in after that actually-kinda-good rap song about them got really popular.

But he wasn't tumbling in due to needing air conditioning (That helped), or because he wasn't wanted there for long- he'd had to tell Sam and Nona a complicated thread about how he couldn't possibly have turned the stuffed animals into impromptu towels, because he was robbing the neighbour to pay for his clothes shopping (Which he actually did after leaving the apartment).

Somehow, that worked (Nona had muttered something about never liking them and how it wouldn't matter for long), making Casey wonder if he was in some kind of sitcom where such issues could be resolved by a jump cut of some sort, or by simply ignoring it. Or, even worse, if he was in a piece of fanfiction where he'd be some kind of perfect main character who was never wrong.

_Hey, if Star Trek Voyager got away with it for seven years, I think I can make it work for a day or two._

But Casey was coming into to the living room because everyone knew that the best cartoons were on right after school- like _Wizards of Waverly Place, Camp Rock _re-runs, and best of all, _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic._ Not _That's A Drag!,_ though. That show had a special place in hell planned for it.

Sam was at the kitchen, mixing some substances together in a blender as Casey moved to a seat in front of her, and Cat came in the door.

"Hey!"

"Hi!" Sam called. "How was school?"

"… Learney." Was her reply as she placed her bag and coat on the couch, before moving over to Sam. "What you doing?"

"I read online that if you mix coffee, orange juice and a raw egg, it blows up."

"Ohh, I love explosions!" Casey and Cat said almost simultaneously.

"Then you'll love this. Get ready for…" Sam hit the egg on the edge of a blender, tossing it in as she, Cat and Casey hit the ground and hid.

Beat.

"Lame," Casey deadpanned.

Sam looked over at him, then to Cat.

"You got any dynamite?"

"I have C4," Casey muttered, but it's overshadowed by Cat's "No, sorry."

"Nona, I'm home! And I brought you your special cream!"

_Don't. Think. About. It. Too. Hard._

Sam looked over to Casey and nudged him forward.

"Yeah, funny story about that- well, not so funny for you.. your grandmother's gone."

"Oh, did she go to the gun range?"

… _Oh dear lord, this is gonna be hard._

Casey stared blankly at Cat. "Um… no. I gave her a lift down to Elderly Acres."

"To visit somebody?" Cat asked as she grabbed a bottle of water.

"No… she, er… moved there. To live there. Forever."

Cat stared blankly at Casey, water dripping from her mouth.

"You put my Nona in a home for elderlies?"

"Um… yes," was what Casey meant to say in a blunt fashion, but was interrupted by an explosion from behind him- Sam's internet recipe had reached critical mass. Casey turned around, his mouth a small O.

"Heh, that's kinda cool-" Casey started, before getting turned around and slammed into the table-top by Cat.

"How could you take her to that place?!"

Sam sat back, having magically formed a bowl of popcorn in her hands as she watched Cat go to town verbally on Casey.

"She asked me to, she asked me to!" Casey yelled repeatedly. Cat let go of him and started pacing the room. Casey slumped to the ground, shuddering in a mix of agony and fear.

"Oh gosh, I'm gonna faint! Or puke! I'm gonna fuke!"

_Note to self: Contact dictionary people to add "fuke" to English language. Considering how stupid spellings for it get in America anyway, it shouldn't be too hard. _

Sam continued the argument for Casey, who was attempting to curl up in a ball and cry until Cat picked him up by the arm and started dragging him to the door. In his desperation, he grabbed onto Sam, who wound up getting caught in the ride… until the trio rammed right into the door.

"Not to cause more hatred of me for you, but… there was a door," Casey snarked out of the corner of his mouth.

"SOMETIMES I FORGET!" Cat screamed at him as she bolted out, Sam and Casey following right behind. Soon after that, a pair of children and a baby came up to them as they sprinted down the hallway.

The kids were supposedly going to be looked after by Nona… well, as Cat put it, "Until _someone _did something very terrible to her!"

"Hi," he said simply.

"Will you take Darby? He's heavy," the older-looking kid said, plopping a baby into Cat's arms. She then promptly gave it to Casey. Who then gave it to Sam. Who then put the baby into the plants, presumably so it could learn to live with them, learn the secrets of the plant lifestyle and figure out if they presented a threat to America, so it knew whether or not it could take attention away from similar studies on the rocks.

_Thank you Wikleaks! You've always been truthful in these dark times._

Shrugging in exasperation, the trio set off, now carrying some children. Who then immediately went back to cut off negotiations with the plant people by taking the baby back.

_Meh. Can't win them all._

_**00000 (Elderly Acres)**_

The… whatever a six-person version of a trio, or a duo was… ran into the lobby. Cat set off straight away on the plan discussed on the bus to the old-folks home (Something about not being allowed to fit children on a bike when they were already forcing someone to hang on by the exhaust port). Which is to say, she started shaking random people down for information.

_Christ, she makes the informants in the Middle East look subtle._

_Oh look a joke about the American Military. Wow, I'm so keeping up to date._

_What, you want me to make a joke about spying on these people through their webcams or forcing them to connect their canes online once every 24 hours?_

… _Point. Carry on._

And by then, practically everyone else had already gone off to do… something. Sam was trying (Emphasis on that) to be a tattoo artist, Cat had gone off somewhere else, and thus Casey decided to be the bigger man and watch over the kids. Speaking of the kids…

_Where're the kids?_

Casey came up to Sam.

"Where'd the bratty half-pints- Children- go?"

Sam pointed vaguely in the direction of the door, focused on her tattoo of…

_Is that a soda can? Man, I thought my generation was weird._

"Thanks for the precise information," Casey said out loud drily, before looking out the door, right on time to see said half-pints on a scooter hitting a busy street.

_I think my heart just skipped a beat._

"STOP THAT SCOOTER!" Casey barked, breaking into a run right after it.

_**00000 (Inside Out Burger)**_

After several hectic moments of chasing, cumulating in a showdown at a parking lot for some fast food place, where the children with the ability to speak were ordering food. Casey took a moment to get his breath back- even though the burger-place was just three hundred yards down the street.

_Note to self- gulp- build up stamina._

"_Welcome to Inside Out Burger, what would you like today?"_

"We want two Double-Double Megameals, and-" the kids were interrupted when Casey slammed his body into the back of the crawler, sending it across the parking lot.

"Ignore us, we're Canadian!" He barked into the intercom, before chasing after the children. Casey vaulted over a parked car's bonnet- _hot hot hot, oh GOD that's hot- _and began sprinting after the kids. He was gaining on them, slowly but steadily-

_Oh great, turn, let 'em get ahead- WATCH THE CAR!_

Was Casey's last thought before, as he turned out to the entry driveway for the burger-shop, was slammed into by an incoming sedan, sending him to the ground in a semi-conscious flop.

_Ow… that actually… seriously… hurt._

_Wait, is that an angel? No, it can't be- I don't think Heaven starts flipping you off until after you've gone through the Pearly Gates._

_I just hope Sam and Cat or, whoever takes possession of my body sends me away in a respectful, dignified manner._

… _Wait, didn't I get a donor card last year to look good for a charity I was cribbing off of to pay the IRS protection money? Aw crap, I'm gonna look like a Doctor Who villain by the end of this!_

_**00000 (Apartment Hallway)**_

"The kids!" Cat belted out suddenly, slapping Sam in the chest.

"… What kids?"

"The ones we were babysitting! We left them at Elderly Acres!"

"Oh, I saw them five minutes ago," Dice threw in casually.

"Where?!"

"At Inside Out burger, standing over a dead guy."

"Oh man, I _love _their fries-" Sam added, ignoring the part about the dead person.

"COME ON!"

_**00000 (Inside Out Burger)**_

_You know, I think I'm OK with dying now. I've lived, it's a respectful atmosphere-_

… _Is that SOB recording me?! CALL AN AMBULANCE YOU SON OF A-_

"Casey!" a voice said outside of Casey's field of vision.

_Is that you, God? Wait, if I'm being recorded, I still have a chance of survival! Someone, call an ambulance! Or a doctor! Or a friggin' vet, I'm not choosy!_

"OK kids, all of the attention's on the body, go and run-" _OH YOU EVIL BLONDE CRAZY PERSON! I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE WHEN YOU WALKED IN, AND NOW I'M LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND!_

… _Ohh! Ohh! Trouble, trouble, trouble-_

_NOT. NOW!_

"Wait, we have to stay and help this poor dead person!" Cat told Sam.

_You know, I'm just lying here, waiting for someone to call 911. Literally, 3 numbers, and I'll be saved!_

"We should give him C-3P0!" Cat continued.

… _Oh dear God I'll take my chances with the Pearly Gates, thanks._

"… CPR?"

"OK, we'll try that first!"

_Wait, I'm happy for the rescue, but none of you are trained at CPR! How're you gonna-_

_Wait, those're my legs, and why's she going over my chest-Ow, my ribs!_

_And my legs… Oh Jesus, wake up wake up wake up!_

_And… now they're switching! I don't want Sam bouncing on my chest, that crap hurts!_

_And stop raising my legs, damnit, I can't feel my kneecaps now!_

"… Are they… doing it right?" Said an attendant.

_I have no earthly idea, but- LARGE GASP! I'M ALIVE!_

Casey's eyes shot open as he… well… largely gasped, and began spluttering for air as Sam and Cat got off of him from where they were at his chest and legs, allowing him to be lifted up by an employee and Sam. When he was up, he waved them off.

Casey starred at Sam and Cat for a second.

"You saved my life," he said with a hint of wonder.

Before Sam or Cat could speak, he continued. "Despite that not being medically possible, and maybe that could be considered a sexual assault charge, despite that it's your fault the kids went missing because one of you has the attention span of a hyperactive hamster and the other wanted to be all gangsta, despite the fact that none of the people around here who have phones called an ambulance, and despite the fact that one of my legs is probably broken… I'm somehow still alive."

"So… you're grateful?" Sam asked.

Beat.

_OF COURSE NOT! WHAT THE *Bleep* IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU *Bleep*ING CRAZY PEOPLE!_

"Yeah, pretty much." Casey shrugged.

Sam saw her opportunity and raised her voice. "Then maybe the manager could reward us for saving this nice man's life with… free food?"

Casey's "Don't I get a say in this?" is drowned out by the manager's "Of course. As head of this Inside Out Burger establishment, I hereby offer…"

"Sam Puckett,"

"Sam Puckett, and…"

"Cat Valentine,"

"Cat Valentine, free food, for as long as both shall live!"

"Wait, don't I get food? I was the guy who got hit by a car!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm only allowed to offer two people free food per year," the manager told him.

"Well… can't I have, like, a voucher, or a gift card, or money, or…" Casey trailed off.

"I'm just gonna… I need to lie down. And get some painkillers, those first, then I'm lying down. Oh, and I need to go to an A&E ward too, just to make sure the leg isn't broken. Anyone gonna offer me a lift? No? Alright, just gonna… hobble my way to the hospital in silence."

_That overweight, sweaty, SON OF A-_

_**00000 (Apartment)**_

The apartment was ablaze with the sounds of gaming and cutting, as Cat and the two non-babies were playing a video-game, and Sam was getting her hair cut and sold online. Casey was in charge of the baby.

"It stareth into the deepest levels of my soul, portending calamity and tiny turtle droppings in that hand," he said darkly as he kept eye contact with the baby, only stopping once to scoop a handful of painkillers into his mouth.

"I know! It's adorable!" Cat yelled over to him, wearing crappy 3D sunglasses for some reason. Casey shrugged, before turning over to Dice.

"You know, if her hair isn't selling over too well, I can tell you what kind of shampoo Taylor Swift uses," he said casually.

"My hair is fine the way it is," Sam replied in a level voice that did all of the threatening for her. She blows into a napkin.

"Can I buy that?" Dice asked right away. Sam glared at him. The doorbell rang.

"I've got it," Casey mumbles, getting up and limping over to the door to reveal the kids mother… _who is both too young AND too hot to be a mom of three._

_Well, gotta know 'em while you have them, amiright?_

… _Sometimes I'm so glad I can say crap like this in my head without anyone being able to hear me._

"Um, hi. We're the babysitter people," Casey said.

"Hi," the mother offered back. "Did you guys have a fun day with Nona?"

"No," the first said.

"Sam and Cat took care of us!"

"They're the best babysitters ever!"

"They took us on an elderly scooter onto the street!"

"And then they saved an idiot from dying!"

"Hey!" Casey added.

The mother looked at him.

"It was… part of a game we were playing, where I'd throw my characters into traffic. And then nearly die."

"Called Rescue The Moron," Sam throws in, a smirk on her face.

"That's a polite word for idiot," Cat stage-whispered to the kids.

"I'm standing right here. In front of you all, clearly visible."

_I give up. Let them say these things, sticks and stones and all that jazz._

"Ahh. Well, let me just pay you for the babysitting…" She hands a wad of bills to Sam. "How much is this?"

"About a hundred and fifty bucks," the mother replied coolly.

"Say whaaaaat," Sam and Casey said flatly.

"You guys wanna babysit for them again sometime?"

"Uh, we don't live here," Sam replied. "Cat?"

"Sure, just text me when."

"Alright. Come on kids."

Goodbyes were exchanged, and as the door closed on the mother, her kids and Dice, Sam started counting out bills.

"Now let's see… you have red hair, you have brown hair, and I'm blonde, so I get one hundred and ten, and you both get no hundred and twenty."

_Now hang on just a sec-_

"Ohh, thank you," Cat said.

Beat.

"Screw it," Sam and Casey said at almost the exact same time, before handing Cat their money. Sam threw on her jacket and Casey grabbed a small bag which contained his purchases earlier that day.

"Whelp, time for me to hop on the old bike- see where it takes me."

"And I've gotta go… somewhere. Hopefully with less injuries this time."

Cat stood up and faced the two.

"We've kinda had a lot of fun the last few days, and… we sort of have this whole fun odd couple dynamic. Built in conflict. Lots of potential for more adventure. Oh forget it." She sits down again.

"Wait…" Sam pauses. "I mean, I don't have to _go _anywhere in particular. And… you seem like you could use a roommate or two."

"And… my leg's gonna need some time to heal… I'll probably need to stay nearby the doctor in case anything happens." Casey adds in.

"*Gasp* Are you saying what I think you're saying?!"

Casey chuckled. "Yeah!"

"You're gonna stay here and help me find a roommate?!"

"No need, we got you two already!"

"Shut up! Who are they!"

_You're sure you wanna do this? Last chance to back out-_

"Us of course!" Sam and Casey hollered.

… _Do you just me to go into the back room and shoot myself? Because I don't feel needed anymore, and you've got your new friends…_

"OH MY GOD!" Cat rushed forward and pulled the two into a tight bear hug.

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!"

"So much better than yesterday when we were covered in garbage!"

"Ain't it just?" Casey smiled

"So what's for dinner?"

"I'm thinking free cheeseburgers?"

"TO INSIDE OUT BURGER!" Cat yelled, as she and Sam raced out the door.

"I… do not have free cheeseburgers." Casey said to the room.

"And… I'm gonna have to buy her bike a sidecar." He added.

_Well, you just earned a hundred and fifty dollars for nearly dying. Pretty sure you could muscle them into a few burgers. Remember, if you broke a leg on their premise, you can sue!_

"Very well then!" Casey thundered out. "I shall go to Inside Out Burger, and I. Shall Be. VICTORIOUS-"

"Hey asshole, keep it down, some of us are trying to sleep!" A voice called out from the hallway. Casey seemed to droop.

"Sorry," he murmured, before walking out into the hallway.

_Where was I again? Oh, right- VICTORY SHALL BE MINE! Because I realised something like this would happen again, so I boughts me a car!_

… _If it even runs, I did just pick it up for 12 bucks off a hobo._

_Meh, it's this or an empty stomach._

Casey followed off down the hallway, a spring in his step, in comparison to how he was at the start, I.E: Mugged.

_I think I'm gonna like it here- they already took off, didn't they?_

_*Sigh* Happy happy, joy joy._

_**00000**_

**Wow. Over 28 pages and over Six. Thousand. Words. Holy smoke.**

**Well, I guess I'll throw some stuff here. First off, this is what I think Casey looks like (Image is from Saints Row 3, but no headphones and the hair is brown: . ). Only reason I didn't use my own SR3 character is because my camera sucks hard.**

**Second, if you were concerned about the level of abuse Casey faces, sorry, it's only for this chapter. And it was a **_**lot **_**worse before I went back and edited it- Cat flat out attacked him in version 1.1.**

**Finally, as mentioned above, I have seen up to #TextingCompetition. The site I normally use, however, hasn't got it up yet and probably won't for a while. So if you know of any websites where a European can watch the episodes online without that survey crap, that'd be great.**

**But anyway, hope this was OK. If you have anything to add, leave a comment below or hit me up with a Private Message. Until then, I'll see you whenever I do one of the better episodes, #FavoriteShow.**


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